Day one! I don't know about you, but I can't wait for the weekend! Even though I normally work both days, everything still always feels just that little bit slower, calmer somehow. Oh I don't know, maybe I'm losing it... this morning was very early after very little sleep, and today just won't happen it seems.
Opening my laptop at all was a struggle, but I'm here. I am writing. I am pretty excited!
Yesterday I was reading some pages in Gala Darling's book Radical Self-Love (a review will follow soon, but let me tell you now that it is awesome and you should probably read it) and it got me thinking about my life and past & current relationships. Do you love self reflection as much as I do? Thinking about love is the best: I think dynamics between people are super interesting, and being in love is my favourite!
Sooooo... what have i learned?
Your life is yours and you can do with it what you want to. You are the star, director and script writer all at the same time... so it really is up to you to make it beautiful!
Taking responsibility means acknowledging this in full. Maybe last month was the best month of your life? You made that happen babe! Maybe you were sitting around a lot, feeling bored, sad, lost? That's on you too.
It is easy to accept that you create your own happiness. Hearing that you have the leading role in your own sadness? Not so much.
But think about it... if someone is treating you poorly, you are allowing that to happen! Maybe you feel like your life is on hold until someone texts you back? Waiting for your fling to tell you they want to be with you? Your partner to make some sort of important decision? You have the control to stop waiting right now. Right now, you can go out into the world and be you! The cards you are dealt might not always be ideal, but it's up to you to create a situation that makes you happy given the circumstance.
I used to wait for others to take control all the time. Deep down I would know what I wanted, but I'd sit around idly and just hope that the other would take the right decision for me. I can tell you this is not the highway to getting what you want in life... Never put your personal happiness in the hands of someone else. Because while you are waiting for them, they are busy making themselves happy!
I'm not saying 'make your own plan and ignore everyone else,' if you want to be on the same page with someone that's absolutely fine. And if you want to wait for them to make their mind up, that's fine too! Just make that a conscious decision. And if the waiting gives you anxiety or makes you sad, remind yourself that this is what you want!
YOU HAVE THE POWER, USE THE POWER!
I was seventeen when I discovered we can set ourselves free, and I will never forget how it felt.
I had been in this yay-or-nay situation with a boy for three months. It was basically me screaming & begging YAY whenever we saw each other, and him replying Yeh Maybe. (if he replied at all)
Fun story: the whole situation made me so insecure, that I would literally send him a text and then stare at my phone and slowly push it further & further away from myself the longer it took him to get back to me. As if that would distance me from the situation in some way.
After months of crying every single day, one night I found some sort of superpower within me. I rang him, demanded an answer and when he wasn't able to give me one I hung up the phone. First I cried so hysterically that I made myself sick. Then I called one of my girlfriends and together we deleted him from my phone history and from all of my social channels. Cold turkey.
The next day was awful. The day after that was still pretty bad too.
But by the third day all that was left of my sadness was relief: it was over. I was my own person again.
I was alone, but that was okay. I changed my theme song from Hopelessly Devoted to All By Myself and on I went.
LOVE YOURSELF first
This kind of sums up the previous two points, but it is so important that I will just say it again: you need to love yourself first. Love yourself more.
I think it's unlikely that a happy relationship is built on self-loathing and insecurities.
Plus, it is so much easier to take responsibility & use your power when you love yourself! Knowing that you will always be alright, because you will always have yourself is the best foundation for a strong relationship if you ask me.
I don't believe in grudges and I don't believe in secrets between lovers. If there is something about you that you don't want your other half to know about, ask yourself why. Do you think they would judge you? Would they really? (Do you want to be with someone who would judge you for that?)
Try to open up, sharing feels good!
At the same time, if something new comes up, say it. If you want something, ask for it.
This also -and maybe even especially- goes for dating. I used to be the girl who would flirt a little and then wait to be asked out. Until one day I had a conversation with a girlfriend that was this huge a-ha moment.
She had been on a date the night before and was contemplating whether or not to send the guy a text the next day. Should she wait? Together we realised that she should send it. Because that's the kind of person she is: she is honest, straightforward and she arranges things. When she is in a relationship, she will be the first one to just go ahead and reserve a table in that restaurant and buy those theatre tickets and book that hotel suite.
Obviously, if a guy would be intimidated by a girl who doesn't wait for him to make his move, she wasn't the girl for him!
We date people so we can get to know them. Don't forget that they are meeting up with you for the exact same reason! It might feel a little uncomfortable at first, but really do try to be yourself. After all you want the other person to like you (because you are beautiful & awesome) and not some facade you put on to please them!
rejection doesn't exist
And when it doesn't work out? Don't think about it as a rejection. Everyone is amazing and has something unique to offer to the world. It's just that not everyone connects with each other in the same way!
Dating is about attraction and romantic compatibility, not about rating someone on a scale of awesome. Think about your friends. They are your friends, so obviously they are the best people in the world to you. Yet they are your friends, not your lovers. Reason? You are not compatible as partners. Does that make them less cool? Hell no!
unrelated things I am grateful for today...
I am feeling a new kind of energy lately. It started some weeks ago when all of a sudden I realised I can do whatever I want to. That feeling is expanding within me a little every day. As if stuff is actually happening. I like! ❤ I am grateful for meal-planning and ordering groceries ahead of time. Of not having to be in the supermarket together with hundreds of others right before dinner ❤ For my hair, because it looks kind of cute today ❤ For winning at making vegan burgers lately. The latest were beetroot burgers that were neither soggy nor dry: score!