When did you feel beautiful, sexy and attractive last? What were you doing? wearing? thinking about?
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WHEN DID YOU SHAKE WITH LAUGHTER THIS WEEK? WHAT HAPPENED?
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What makes you feel connected to the core of your being? In what moments do you feel completely at ease and at peace with yourself... and with who you are, exactly as you are?
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What did you see or hear this week that moved you? where within you did it resonate?
It is Saturday, 4PM and I am out for a walk/run in the spring sunshine. I run slowly while listening to The Brave Exchange -it's my new favourite thing to do. The Brave Exchange podcast is amazing, I found it about two weeks ago and am completely obsessed.
I walk somewhere in the Regent's Park area and am in the middle of episode 22 called 'Lunar abundance, life rhythms, soulful success and feminine power' with Dr. Ezzie Spencer. Femininity and yin/yang energy is something that has come up in some of the episodes I listened to previously, but it never really clicked. The ladies talk about so many topics that I find that some really stick with me, whereas others just pass through me.
But this time it resonates. Every. Single.Word.
Ezzie talks about feminine and masculine energy, the lunar cycle and our personal cycles. When we are in a yin phase and when we transition into yang. She explain that the first phase of the lunar cycle is a yin phase, and that this might be a time we want to use for reflection, self-love and taking it a little gentler. The other half of the lunar cycle is the yang phase (which corresponds with more masculine energy) and is more suitable for pushing ourselves to do hard work.
First I realise that I -at least in my head- am pretty much pushing myself 24/7: do more, work harder, be stronger, be louder.
I take the yoga classes that make me stronger rather than relaxed. Go with where my body needs work, rather than where it wants to move.
I do hard exercise focused on looks instead of overall wellbeing.
All yang, very little yin.
Then it also dawns on me that I am addicted to comfort.
My work in the yoga studio is pretty much the best job in the world because I can wear yoga leggings to work and walk around in flip-flops all day. When I'm not there, I work & study from home... I don't know about you but I don't really like trousers much.
I gave up on a daily makeup routine sometime in 2013. It wasn't practical with my hot yoga practice (I am just not organised enough to carry around remover pads all the time) and I told myself that not wanting to leave the house without mascara was nothing but vain anyway. Let them see that I'm tired when I'm tired!
Long story short: as I make it to the park I realise that safe for a couple of special occasions I haven't connected with my femininity since summer... when I had a job that required some effort and the weather allowed me to wear cute dresses all the time. Summer was months ago!
When I come home I put on some soft music and do yoga stretches in the bedroom. I go where the music and my body take me. I practice with my hair down and incorporate dance moves whenever I feel like it. By the time I finish my body feels as aligned as ever and I am buzzing with new energy.
I cancel all my appointment, jump on the bus into town, raid my savings account a little and buy myself new underwear*. A dress too. Feeling good -beautiful, attractive- needs to be a priority again and this is stage one. Actually wearing clothing instead of pyjamas when I work from home is stage two.
THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR THIS WEEK
♪ The Brave Exchange! ❤ running again! ❤ getting better at saying 'No' ❤ slowly connecting with more likeminded people in London (anyone else? send me an email please) ❤ having my first mentee, I am so excited to get to talk to these girls ❤ I am just feeling really good in my skin at the moment, and with everything that I am doing. Getting up isn't my strong suit, but right now I am actually looking forward to get to work most mornings. I can feel change coming! ❤ the sunny days we've been getting lately. It is sooo good to feel spring coming! I don't think I have ever been affected by winter as much as this year ❤
*I'm 24 and all of a sudden my breasts have decided to get bigger. Don't know if it's the vegan food or that my hormones are levelling out after a decade of being on the pill & disordered eating or all combined? Anyhow, no complaints.